


Repeat

by thisisnotwhatihadplanned



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Insecurity, Trench Era, sort of a vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 03:21:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17993885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisnotwhatihadplanned/pseuds/thisisnotwhatihadplanned
Summary: The moment he allowed himself to let go, to just exist, he looked like a freak.





	Repeat

Music did something to him. It didn't happen on purpose. It was as if Tyler's body began moving on it's own. 

There was all this energy, all the music and lights coming to him at once. So his body served as a channel. Shaking his head, the microphone, swaying to the beat, he continued the verses. Sometimes his shoulders would jerk. It felt like breathing, like dribbling basketball over and over. It felt good. 

Tyler didn't even think to consider it odd until he saw a video of himself. Surely his parents were exaggerating with their tentative questions about his wellbeing. They didn't get the whole music scene. But the video made a familiar sense of shame form a knot in the pit of his stomach. The moment he allowed himself to let go, to just exist, he looked like a freak.

Honestly, he tried to stop. But years of touring had gone by, and Tyler stopped caring. He stuffed it in the back of his mind, on the bottom of a long list of insecurities.

On stage Tyler was much different than middle-of-the-night Tyler. On stage Tyler said 'fuck it' and lost himself in the music. On stage Tyler was with Josh. He saw Jenna and the fans. None of them looked confused or embarrassed for him. Josh and Jenna understood, so much so that they hadn't even asked Tyler about his unconventional movement.

However, middle-of-the-night Tyler had a tendency to inflate the negatives. One vicious comment in particular, "is he r*tarded or something lmao" , which was tweeted along with a clip of a passionate Tyler rapping and twitching along to pet cheetah, was the reason for Tyler's lost sleep. 

Jenna was somewhere too far away. Which meant that she was in the front of the bus, on their little couch. Tyler joined her, because distraction was a healthy way to stop the train of thoughts that would lead him to frustration. Jenna was curled up in a blanket watching Chopped, and Tyler tried to watch too. 

But he wasn't paying attention. He hated this. He hated having to give someone else his problems. They didn't even make sense half the time. 

"Jenna?" he started tentatively. 

Jenna looked at him, blue eyes sparkling.

"Do I look, I don't know, weird on stage?"

"What do you mean?" Jenna asked casually.

"You know what I mean."

Jenna muted the tv. "Well," she said, "I didn't expect you to be so, um, passionate when I first saw you perform. But I also didn't expect you to be so good."

"Why is this bothering you now?"

Tyler ignored her question. "Does it look like something's wrong with me?" 

He'd always been just left of normal. He thought it helped him cope. But he wouldn't have to cope if he was normal. His entire life had been him trying to be on the same page as others. He was tired. 

"Nothing's wrong with you Ty." She paused. "Does it feel good, when you move like that?" 

Tyler nodded.

"Then keep doing it, they understand, the people that really matter, your kind."

Tyler grinned at the lyric reference. Jenna saw things clearly. She could put things into perspective. Tyler loved her for it. A thousand people who got it were infinitely more important to him than one who didn't.

Tyler kissed her forehead, and Jenna unmuted the tv.


End file.
